Oh ,I am a millionaire, you know just I am coming from Ambani's party!, Milind at the party was telling others present ,he seems to be boasting as he is just well to do ,employed person in MNC.
The onlookers were amused..Why he is lying ?Some people are simply addicted to lying; they are not comfortable in revealing the truth about themselves or some aspect of their life. These people might not know about the lie, because he or she has always believed that it is true. People in this category often qualify for a Mental Health Disorder
The most common lies people tell about how much money they have ,or about their position and some time their feelings. Some people are afraid to help others so they don’t want to disclose their wealth or their work. Some time people are faced with a bad time, but they always say that they are right, because they don’t want to take any care. They think that in this case they may lose their self esteem.
Liar has Low self-estimation and fear or laziness has a wish to make life better without working hard.. It's always easier to make something up than really to do it.pathological liar will just lie compulsively (It is a just sometimes spoken lies /word but not necessarily the bad deeds .lie but will not steal or cheat or do illegal things .
The terms Pathological Liar, Habitual Liar and Chronic Liar are often used to refer to a Compulsive Liar.
Normal people become crooks /liars if they remain unemployed during economic crisis,recession, their gloomy moods makes these People who are not criminals into attempting frauds which is at first small in monetary ,stupid, attempts, amateur frauds and if they keep doing it become harden criminals.
Statistic &Frequency of lying:
research &Studies show that people lie anywhere from 10 to 200 times . . We lie more often to strangers than we lie to our coworkers. Extroverts lie more than introverts. Men lie eight times more about themselves than they do with other people. Women lie more to protect other people. An average a married couple, one can lie to the spouse in one out of every 10 interactions. If unmarried, that number drops to three. We lie on an as-needed basis.
research &Studies show that people lie anywhere from 10 to 200 times . . We lie more often to strangers than we lie to our coworkers. Extroverts lie more than introverts. Men lie eight times more about themselves than they do with other people. Women lie more to protect other people. An average a married couple, one can lie to the spouse in one out of every 10 interactions. If unmarried, that number drops to three. We lie on an as-needed basis.
Lying by Omission Everyone at times, do not offer out less desirable details. Sometimes you do this to be sensitive or to spare a person’s feelings, but sometimes those details matter, and you know it. For example, if your partner asks what you did that day, you may not mention that you wound up running into an ex and having lunch. Maybe you try to conceal an ongoing flirtation with a colleague in office, boss or co-worker. These may not feel like acts of deception to you, but imagine how your partner would see them. Whether there’s nothing to hide or something real you’d rather they not know about, leaving out significant facts will make you feel shady and create a hotbed for further deceptions. On the other hand, creating an environment where you can be open about these things will promote a feeling of mutual trust and honest communication.
what is the situations when people lie the most?
- When they do not want to help the other person in need
- When people want economic help & ask for loans, do not want to lend money ,underlying fear is ,I will not get my money back
- To help in matrimonial alliance, people do not want to help with the fear in mind, if something goes wrong”, I will be held liable”.
- When giving feed-backs to other people
- . In political circles :either to make you look good or deceive others .
- While doing Business transactions, to gain or save money: Many people lie for making quick financial gains. If a person is under time pressure and the decision to lie could go to get a financial reward. They do promises of quick and easy financial deliverance and for gaining the trust they mislead them with ultimate happiness.
- To control situation: In some cases, a lie is said to ensure the well-being of a person. In many situations, one does not have the time to explain the whole situation to a person and convince him or her, that what is being done is right. In many cases, a lie can help to control a particular situation from aggravation. They lie to deal with the situation that may be scattered because of the stupidity of second person.
- To Avoid Criticism: There are many people who lie to avoid criticism from others. They lie out in the enforcement or because they want to present themselves as someone they are not. People feel that their self esteem is endangered; they immediately begin to lie at higher levels.
- To Avoid Misconception Sometimes, people lie because of the misconception, which the bitter truth is not accepted without some sugar coating, and that a little embellishing of facts will not hurt anyone. They often lie in the dramatic way, and use the philosophies and interesting examples to make others believe them. This type of lie is known as a White Lie.
- Fear Phobia of Reality: People are sometimes anxious about revealing certain facts related to their past, or about themselves, which they feel would lead to their partner leaving the relationship. A person may hide their activities or expenditure in order to avoid incurring the wrath of his or her partner.
- Social Management or lying to manage social contacts. Many lies are simply done in order to maintain social contacts. Such lies are spoken to avoid consequences and conflict as well as to protect themselves from harm, punishment, rejection, dislikes or loss. Lies, which can increase the influence and reputation in the community have uttered by such people. These people are likely to admire others without any reason, and praise them that they are too intelligent or beautiful or have many qualities.
- Lying for Self-Protection—Too often, people are coached by an inner critic to not express directly what they want or feel toward other people. You may have a guard up that tells you not to be too vulnerable. You may downplay your emotions or act like you don’t care, because you don’t want to feel or look like a fool. But defending yourself with deceptions or false portrayals of who you are will drive you further from your goals and will likely prevent you from getting what you want in life.
- Gossip or Covert Communication—Gossip is an epidemic. It’s in every household, office space and coffee house. It’s a booming industry taking over our media. The biggest problem with talking about someone behind their back is that you may flat out deny these observations when face-to-face with that person. You can see how this can be harmful to your relationships. A true friend or loved one should be someone you can talk openly with, someone to whom you can offer feedback and welcome the same in return.
- Another problem is that gossip breeds cynicism and destroys compassion. It’s a nasty way of indirectly dealing with real observations or competitive feelings. When you favor direct communication over gossip, you become a more genuine, compassionate, not to mention appealing, person to be around.
- Some people believe you need lies to survive in a relationship. I would argue that this is untrue. Misleading a person distorts their reality and makes them feel crazy, which is one of the most unethical things you can do to another person. So what can you do to be more honest .
- Bragging or exaggerating :Such people who seems to feel compelled to lie about has a problem. We often call these persons pathological liars. They lie to protect themselves, look good, gain financially or socially and avoid penalties. They feel a compulsion to tell lies and can lie without any apparent benefit at all. People’s insecurities about themselves may lead them to try to preserve a certain image of themselves, and they may experience a need for approval from others. However, when you exaggerate or don’t represent yourself honestly, you are left feeling like a fraud, which further hurts your self-esteem. There’s a fine line between highlighting your attributes and completely inflating your abilities. At work, you may promise to finish a task you know you won’t be able to complete on time. You may exaggerate to a boss when it comes to your progress or skill level. Doing this will lead to trouble when, most likely, your actions will fail to match your words.
- Lying to compensate for guilt. Parents often do this with their children, missing a soccer game, for instance, then promising they’ll show up at every game for the rest of the year —only to disappoint again soon-after. It’s hard to hide a broken promise, a missed meeting or a poor performance. Exaggerating deems you untrustworthy. Your words start to mean a lot less when the reality doesn't match up. Plus, you may never believe that you’re being chosen or cared about for who you really are.
- Face saving: Far more troubling group is those who lie a lot and deliberately for personal gain. This type of people often lies for face saving. These people may have a diagnosis called antisocial personality disorder, also known as a sociopath. Lying often gets worse with the passage of time. When they get away with a lie it often impels them to continue their deceptions.
- Attempt to cover shortcomings in personality: People lie to protect themselves, because of some associated fears and to cover those fears. . Lying is an attempt to bridge the gap, to connect our wishes and our fantasies about who we wish we were, how we wish we could be, with what we're really like. Not all lies are harmful. There are half truths, grey shades between lie and truth. Lying is a cooperative act, since a lie has no power whatsoever by its mere utterance. Its power emerges when someone else agrees to believe the lie.. Sometimes we're willing participants in deception for the sake of social dignity, just like being polite. Since we think maybe to keep a our real opinion secret not to harm or judge harshly.. So we say, "Nicely drawn picture or we tell wife or GF or sister , "darling,, you don't look fat in that, no, not at all.”
There is test for detection for Compulsive Lying -Polygraph Test. Polygraphs are commonly known as "lie detector tests”, Since the polygraph test is designed to look for changes in a person's physiological changes in responses, it is possible for a person who is a compulsive liar (and quite comfortable with saying things that are not true) to "beat" the polygraph test. Since these machines are not designed as actual tests for compulsive lying, they are not the most practical (or accurate) way to find out whether someone you know is lying
To detect lying, we should Pay attention to” body language. “
· Watch for eye contact
· Watch for a fake or forced smile.
· Be suspicious of too much unnecessary details in narration of a story, chronology etc.
· Look for excessive sweating.
· Fidget all the time.
· shift their blink rate,
· point their feet towards an exit
· they freeze their upper bodies when they're lying.
The liars won't look you in the eyes. A person who is lying may be able to maintain eye contact with another person, so that may not be a sure sign. A person will break off eye contact and look upward if they are trying to remember something, and this is a normal reaction and not a sign of lying. A person who is lying may unconsciously turn away from the other person they are speaking with or place an object in between them and the other person.
Habitual liars give fake smile (consciously contract the muscles in your cheeks.) But the real smile's in the eyes, the crow's feet of the eyes. They cannot be consciously contracted. . The person may be withdrawn, look down, lower their voice, pause, be kind of jerky-jerky. Ask a deceptive person to tell their narrative or story, they're going to pepper it with way too much detail in all kinds of irrelevant places. And then they're going to tell their story in strict chronological order. And what a trained interrogator does is they come in and in very subtle ways over the course of several hours, they will ask that person to tell that story backwards, and then they'll watch them squirm, and track which questions produce the highest volume of deceptive tells. Why do they do that? Well we all do the same thing. We rehearse our words, but we rarely rehearse our gestures. The liars may say "yes, “but shake their heads "no." . It's marked by one lip corner pulled up and in. It's the only asymmetrical expression.. They will take barrier objects and put them between themselves and the person that is interviewing them. They'll alter their vocal tone, often making their vocal tone much lower.
These behaviors are just behaviors. They're not proof of deception. They're red flags warning signs. everybody must watch
When or how does a person turn into a pathological liar?
The Psychology of Lying
On the other spectrum, however, are people who tell lies pathologically. They feel a compulsion to tell lies and may lie for no apparent benefit whatsoever. People in this category often qualify for a diagnosis of a mental health disorder as designated by the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Common diagnoses associated with patients who consistently lie include:
· Antisocial Personality Disorder
· Borderline Personality Disorder
· Histrionic Personality Disorder
· Factitious Disorders
Other mental disorders exist that may result in patients telling lies, but not realizing that what they are saying is not true. Examples include Paranoid Personality Disorder or some of the Dissociative Disorders.
Lying Disorders
Extreme lying is seen as part of a variety of different disorders, and is always treated within those contexts. Addictions, such as addiction to gambling, have lying as one of the symptoms of the disorder. Most commonly, extreme lying behaviors are associated mostly with psychological disorders listed in the DSM-5 as well as other types of conditions, such as:
· Personality disorders (narcissism, borderline, antisocial, and histrionic)
· Factitious disorder (lying about having a disease for attention)
· Malingering (lying to avoid consequences or gain a benefit)
· Confabulation (lying to cover periods of amnesia)
· Pathological lying
There is a lot of debate surrounding pathological lying, including providing a unified definition of what it is and its clinical manifestations. Some feel that extreme lying can occur with the absence of other psychological disorders. Others feel that this rarely, if ever, occurs. Either way, your clinician will give you a full assessment to understand your lying in the context of many different factors.
Furthermore, some people are led to lie as a result of their disorder even though the disorder itself does not directly cause the lying. For example, a person diagnosed with an eating disorder may lie about caloric intake in an attempt to avoid eating another meal, or a compulsive gambler may lie about how much money was spent at a trip to the casino. On the other hand, some people who lie have no mental disorder at all.
Pathological liar or Addition to lying:
Some people who seem to feel compelled to lie about both the small and large stuff has a problem. We often call these persons pathological liars. They lie to protect themselves, look good, gain financially or socially and avoid penalties. They feel a compulsion to tell lies and can lie without any apparent benefit at all.
So when a person is not able to give truthful information about anything and always compulsively lie ,is called pathological liar Some people are simply addicted to lying, they are not comfortable in revealing the truth about themselves or some aspect of their life. These people might not know about the lie, because he or she has always believed that it is true. People in this category often qualify for a Mental Health Disorder
So when a person is not able to give truthful information about anything and always compulsively lie ,is called pathological liar Some people are simply addicted to lying, they are not comfortable in revealing the truth about themselves or some aspect of their life. These people might not know about the lie, because he or she has always believed that it is true. People in this category often qualify for a Mental Health Disorder
Sociopath: people with more troubles are those who lie a lot and deliberately for personal gain. This type of people often lies for face saving. These people may have a diagnosis called antisocial personality disorder, also known as a sociopath. Lying often gets worse with the passage of time. When they get away with a lie it often impels them to continue their deceptions.
The Neurology of Lying
Neuro-psychologists know that there is a distinct difference in brain activity when a person tells the truth as opposed to when a person tells a lie. Different parts of the brain are used to deliberately tell a falsehood than are used to speak the truth, so from a neuro-psychological viewpoint, there is a distinct difference between the two. This is the reason why there is a physical reaction to the act of telling a lie. There is much more to telling a lie than meets the eye .When People feel that their self esteem is endangered; they immediately begin to lie at higher levels.
Tips to stop ourselves from lying?
- If you know a compulsive liar and are interested in getting this person into treatment, know that this is a very difficult thing to do. Most often, when a person is lying, the person is likely trying to avoid a negative outcome, lying to get his or her needs met, or is hiding the truth from him or herself. If the person is still living in a state of denial, the therapeutic process cannot be forced upon the person, and can actually do more harm than good.
- Seek treatment with a competent behavioral professional. If lying is taking over your life, ruining your relationships, and squelching your professional potential, you need to seek the advice of a mental health professional You can meet with taking an appointment. Counselor/Psychiatrist/
Therapist Treatment may include counseling, behavior modification or contracts between the patient and therapist that include negative consequences for lying and positive reinforcements when the patient consistently tells the truth. For this reason there is hope for people who have a problem with compulsively telling lies for whatever reason.Treatment for compulsive lying is complicated, but not impossible. - You can begin by being honest with yourself. First off, you can stop listening to your “critical inner voice.” Shading the truth often comes from listening to an inner coach that’s not on your side, which instructs you to self-protect by telling you things like you can only be accepted if you say the right thing or don’t really reveal yourself. In relation to your boss, it may tell you, “You've been messing up lately so make your boss think you solved this problem without the help of your co-workers.” With your spouse, it may say, “Don’t tell her you forgot her birthday; it will only lead to a fight.” In relation to a competitor, it may advise you “Don’t let him know you think he’s talented. Don’t let your guard down; he’ll just use the truth to hurt you.” By getting to know this inner critic, you can separate it from your real point of view and act against it.
- . Next, you can take chances on the people you care about by being a lot more honest and direct with them. You can find healthy and considerate ways to express yourself and to be sensitive to the other person’s sense of reality. The truth may not always be easy to hear, but in the long term, you will earn a lot more trust and respect from the people whose opinion you value the most.
- . 4. Start trust building exercise: When it comes to the truth, it’s important to think about whether you want people to trust you. Do you value integrity and want your words to be reflected in your actions? If you commit to these attributes on a behavioral level, you’ll be better able to gain trust and live your life with honest, open communication. This world may not be perfect, nor the truth always easy to take, but you can find peace and freedom in the security of knowing that the world you've created around you is as real as it gets.
- . Stop saying yes when you really mean no. This is one of the biggest problems for many people who feel obliged to say "yes" to others for all sorts of reasons. If those reasons aren't being true to caring for your own needs and time resources, then it's important to say no instead. Saying "no" will, like everything else, take practice but you'll soon learn that people prefer to know that you mean it and that you're not going to let them down by saying yes but never doing it. While some people may seem offended by a "no" when you'd usually say yes to them, often this indicates more about their own need to use you, in which case it's good for them to learn that you're standing up for yourself.
- Identify your defense mechanisms. Using defensiveness, victimization, anger, intellectualizing or outrage as means to promote your point of view while ignoring all others is a form of self deception. When you get on your high horse and claim that others should adhere to your point of view, you are lying to yourself because your reactions are defense mechanisms, and disrespectful of the viewpoint of others. That is not the real you. The real you is the one whose passions, beliefs, values and preferences matter but should be vocalized and shown in constructive ways that help and nurture others, not treat them as targets to be won over to your point of view.
- Instead of lying ,acknowledge when you're scared. Lies are often something we tell when we want to protect ourselves. The desire to protect is a response to something that you fear. The more you acknowledge your fears, the less you'll need to lie. Whenever you find yourself rationalizing something, or your intuition triggers some introspection, ask yourself: "What am I scared might happen.
- Make a conscious effort to notice moments throughout the day when you're trying to be someone you're not. While it's great to learn from others and copycat things that have worked for them, taking this too far and trying to be them will result in you losing your sense of self and trying to be someone you're not. Similarly, contorting yourself to meet others' expectations will erode your individuality, and break your spirit. Don't do or say things just because another person does or expects you to; source the need to behave that way from within and if it's not true to yourself, either don't do it or tailor it completely to reflect your own self.
- Recognize when you're exaggerating your abilities, accomplishments and skills. These sorts of lies to yourself will eventually cause you confusion, frustration and loss when you overestimate what you're capable of. For some people, this can lead to fulfillment of the "Peter Principle", where you allow yourself to be promoted beyond your skill set yet spend your time trying to vainly prove you're capable. This can lead to burnout, a sense of failure and even a reduction in reputation as others discover you can't keep up in the way you said you would. Exaggeration of this sort doesn't help you to get ahead and prevents you from being true to yourself.
- . Learn to be humble.
- Share your vulnerabilities with other people. This helps you to better connect with people who recognize the same vulnerabilities in themselves and it also shows them that you are authentic.
- Be wary of when you tell yourself that things are going to change but you do nothing to make this happen. Saying that you'd like things to be different is one thing. Action is another. Many people lie to themselves by wishing that they'd win the lottery, receive an inheritance, find the perfect job, etc., and then simply get on with all they can't stand about their lives, passively waiting for... who knows what to happen. You'll know this lie if you find yourself saying a lot: "If only." If only won't make changes for you; only your action and determination can do that.
- Acknowledge your tunnel vision. Everyone has it, to some extent. Realize that your truth is just that––your truth. Don't lie to yourself by thinking that the way you see the world is the only way to see the world. It's this kind of narrow approach that gets people into endless arguments from which they won't back down, as they try to enforce their reality onto others, denying the reality of anyone else.
- . Hold yourself to a high standard of internal truth telling. It will probably take practice but once you're alert to the need to be more self-truthful, you'll catch yourself when you lie to yourself and start stopping it from happening. Amazing things will happen as you are more truthful to yourself––you'll trust yourself more, you'll feel yourself worth increase and you'll understand your limitations and when to rely on others rather than trying to "do it all" yourself. You'll be more inclined to get on with things instead of moping or falling into self-piteous moments, and you'll have more energy because you're not holding up a front, concealing your true nature or worrying about hiding your vulnerabilities. Ultimately, not lying to yourself is a way of giving others the gift of the real you, and on that they can rely.
