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Do you spend hours worrying that you aren't good enough to succeed? That you're just not capable or that you aren't smart enough? You're not alone.
You may be a typical of many top-level executives who struggle with an over-eager inner critic. In spite of numerous accomplishments, including a post graduate degree from a prestigious university, medical school or a business school and or even a partnership at a leading accounting firm, one can feel like an underachiever. Every day such young person sees him/herself as a new graduate — utterly nervous, tongue-tied, fumbling, and trying to prove herself for the very first time. You get further convinced that soon someone will find out the awful truth — that her incompetence will become clear and that you may lose your responsibilities, her partnership, and eventually her job. Even though you may have never received a negative performance appraisal, you may feel unhappy, stressed, and unfulfilled. You may be successful and yet completely miserable.
This is a well-known "impostor phenomenon," a psychological syndrome identified in the late 1970s by Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes and expanded upon by Manfred Kets .It describes frequent feelings of incompetence despite all of the evidence to the contrary. 'impostor phenomenon' (IP) (P. Clance and S. Imes Psychother. Theor. Res. 15, 241–247; 1978).
The imposter syndrome is common — and it can be hard to overcome. Quieting your inner critic takes a series of specific steps.
First, it is important to recognize that the most commonly used strategy — trying to ignore or suppress your inner critic — simply doesn't work. In fact, ignoring unpleasant thoughts and emotions leads to a rebound effect, it increases the intensity .Rather than suppress your emotions, acknowledge that they are real, whether justifiable or not. Wrong or right, so you do not feel unworthy, ashamed, and anxious. When you try to push these feelings away or rationalize them (by saying, "I shouldn't be feeling this way") they only get amplified. It is this response to your inner emotions that gets you into trouble. Psychologists call this response a "meta-emotion." When we worry about being worried, we're creating a whole new problem.
Some people can struggle with such inner critic for long time, even ten years or lifelong. You end up been trying to ignore your unreasonable self-criticisms. But such usual strategy didn't seem to be working. It didn't take long for you to realize that anxiously trying to avoid or ignore our emotions was actually contributing to the problem.
The trick to dealing with your inner critic is to develop a balanced relationship with it: to not ignore or avoid it and the emotions it rises, but to also not allow yourself to be bullied by it.
Easier said than done? Try the following steps:
- Examine your inner critic. Ask it: "Where do you come from?" This might feel awkward at first, but speaking internally with your critic is a valid psychological technique that encourages you to think objectively. Sometimes one can trace the inner critic back to your childhood, to parents who were harsh and difficult to please. But not all inner critics come from our childhoods. We're influenced by many factors, including competition with our peers, the media, and our relationships with our spouses, and our own attitudes about winning and losing. Once you understand the places your inner critic comes from, you'll be able to recognize when it's telling the truth and when to disregard what it says.
- Understand that your inner critic can actually help you. Your inner critic has evolved to help you set and meet high expectations. If you're open to it (which is not the same as believing everything it tells you) then you can learn from it. Like a good coach, your inner critic reminds you that knowledge and capability are important. Ask it: "How will you help me achieve success in the task ahead?"
- Act in spite of your inner critic. You can learn from your inner critic, but be careful to not give it too much power. Find and maintain the right distance — keep it close enough to be useful, but not so close that it gets in your way. As soon as you hear your inner critic complaining, acknowledge the information — but always ask: is my inner critic helping me or hurting me? If what it's telling you saps your confidence, then ask it to step aside and continue on your way.
- You may feel tongue-tied in important meetings, worried that other people might think her comments inane. Now, instead of surrendering to anxious, negative thoughts, you thank her inner critic for its opinion and speak up anyway. By taking action that's consistent with her goal of becoming a better leader she manages to dispel her anxiety and add wisdom to the conversation.
. Weeding out, purifying the inner critic
These are some strategies that may help you if you are struggling with impostor phenomenon.
· If you're a student or a postdoctoral fellow, get a supportive, understanding adviser.
· If you're working, do your best to find a supportive, understanding mentor.
· Call on your partner or friends to be supportive and talk you through impostor feelings.
· Hire a tutor or take a class in a topic or area where you think your abilities are weaker. You'll learn what you need — or realize how much you already know.
· Make a list of your strengths. Look back at examples of your own successful work, or positive reviews, and remind yourself of your own accomplishments.
· Accept that some tasks will not be done perfectly.
· Be aware of your language choices. If you find yourself thinking you were 'lucky' to have got a grant or published a paper, focus on what you did to earn it.
In the end, it's helpful to remember that as loud as your inner critic can be, it's just a part of you and not the whole. Don't let it stop you from continuing to lead a normal, fulfilled life
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