POST MARITAL THERAPY

When you want to get married ,every thing looks rosy and you look forward to long ,happy, married life.
 Marriage  is seen as a commitment for keeps. But when distress abounds, couples are faced with a number of survival strategies. Depending on the issue, some couples will bind together to overcome adversity. Other couples may run in opposite direction, losing the benefit of mutual support and others will simply hunker down to ride out the storm. Interestingly, recent research suggests that of unhappy couples that do hunker down 2/3's become happy couples after a period of about five years.

who needs therapy or counselling  
For those that cannot hunker down or pull together, marital therapy is seen as strategy to get on back on track of happiness.

Marital therapy is more often provided by persons whose training is primarily in individual therapy as if to say all therapy is alike. This leaves consumers of marital therapy at a distinct disadvantage when looking for a therapist.

Very often the call for therapy comes from only one member of the marriage. The caller is often distressed and looking for help with the marriage. The caller may request to see the therapist alone first to deal with their intense feelings, or alternately they may conclude that their spouse will refuse to attend. A therapist trained in individual therapy will likely see the caller alone. A therapist trained in marital therapy will strongly recommend that the couple be seen together and will explain that beginning alone may increase the probability of a break-up and that the spouse would reasonably reject coming in later, concerned for a pre-established bias on the part of the therapist from having met first with the caller.

Other callers may concern themselves for neutrality on the part of the therapist. Indeed many styles of individual therapy do call for neutrality and intervention is based upon passive reflecting of client issues. Trained marital therapists however, are rarely neutral. A trained marital therapist should be biased in favour of the integrity of your marriage lest they become the catalyst for its demise. Similarly, a trained marital therapist should have a stated opinion on matters of violence or abuse or infidelity and see these as serious issues to be addressed within the context of the marriage.

Marital therapy is one of the most intense venues for displaying emotion. A trained marital therapist should be comfortable with emotional intensity and be able to manage and structure the meeting to provide for the safety of the couple. Marital therapists can be highly directive or prescriptive. Couples entering marital therapy should expect the therapist to be active in the process and provide clear direction to improve the marital relationship.

If you are experiencing marital distress, don't treat all therapists alike. Look for a marital therapist who has had specific training, is comfortable with emotional intensity and will offer clear direction to help resolve identified problems. Lastly, be sure the marital therapist will respect the integrity of your marriage and work towards resolving problems as opposed to falling prey to your conflict or questioning your commitment or desire to remain married. If in the process you decide to end your marriage, it should be a matter of your decision, not the outcome of poor therapy. Poor therapy can hurt. Good therapy can help.

Why does Menopause cause Depression?

At the onset of menopause, women undergo a host of changes in their bodies. It is not uncommon for women to feel frustrated with these changes, in addition to feeling sad about their inability to conceive anymore. In fact, signs of anxiety and depression at both menopausal and perimenopausal stages of a woman’s life are perfectly normal. Both these psychological conditions are 2 of the 34 menopause symptoms.

The causes of anxiety and depression during menopause can be either physical or psychological. Some researchers believe that the decrease in oestrogen level triggers changes in the brain, causing depression. Another view is that the other symptoms of menopause, like hot flushes, fatigue, sleep problems and night sweats cause these feelings.

Menopause happens to women, in their twilight years. There are exceptions of course, but that is generally the norm. At that time in their lives, most women find themselves in a situation where the busy,active and involved life she had, setting up home and bringing up children, is past and she has time on her hands, most often the empty nest syndrome, and perhaps a feeling of not being needed anymore. With these come the physical symptoms of menopause, the hot flushes, the fatigue, the night sweats and several others. Everything combined can suddenly become overwhelming and lead to anxiety attacks, nervousness and eventually, for some, depression.

Depression is a disease caused by biological factors. Some hormones in the brain, especially serotonin, regulate our mood. A drop in the serotonin level can cause mood fluctuations and depression. There are indications that between 8%  and 15% of menopausal women suffer from depression of some kind. Depression due to menopause is most likely to hit during perimenopause, the phase leading up to menopause.

The causes of menopausal depression are still under debate, but there are various theories suggesting why such a large number of women experience mood disorders during menopause.The two main causes, as already mentioned above are :

1. The stress of dealing with the other symptoms of menopause.
2. Fluctuating levels of hormones in the body.

Other Things that can cause Depression

• Not being physically active.
• Having problems in a relationship.
• Financial Problems.
• Employment problems.
• Having low self esteem.
• Regret over not being able to have children any more.
• Not having a strong support system.

Risk factors

A woman with a history of depression and / or mood disorders, are at an increased risk of developing depression during menopause. This is more applicable to women who have had depression in their twenties. Also at high risk are women who have gone through surgical menopause, because surgery causes a dramatic drop in oestrogen levels. Other women more likely to experience depressionduring menopause are smokers, those who have young children and those who are under a lot of stress.

However, whatever the cause,it is important to get immediate and appropriate help, as left untreated, it can have serious physical and emotional side effects.


Source:

Content provided by: Onlymyhealth editorial team

Tags:Depression during Menopause,Causes of Depression,Menopause causes Depression

http://www.onlymyhealth.com/why-does-menopause-cause-depression-1306837611

SUKH-SAMVAD COUNSELLING ( DIALOUGES FOR HAPPINESS): Premarital counselling video of Dr.Rekha Deshmukh

SUKH-SAMVAD COUNSELLING ( DIALOUGES FOR HAPPINESS): Premarital counselling video of Dr.Rekha Deshmukh video 1
http://www.pragyatv.com/Video.aspx?vid=47da7eb17ec14670b71d6b28f8e658633101

http://www.pragyatv.com/Video.aspx?vid=119192967fe34507b714b2551f5e3dd22401

Pre-Marital counselling video ,( Pragya TV.)

Premarital counselling video of Dr.Rekha Deshmukh

SUKH-SAMVAD COUNSELLING ( DIALOUGES FOR HAPPINESS): Take a motivation test

SUKH-SAMVAD COUNSELLING ( DIALOUGES FOR HAPPINESS): Take a motivation test: "MOTIVATION TEST: 1. Nothing gives me more satisfaction than: a) Recognition and appreciation of ..."

Take a motivation test

MOTIVATION TEST:

1.                              Nothing gives me more satisfaction than:

     a)      Recognition and appreciation of my work

     b)      The feeling  of i have lived up to the expectation and done my job well

     c)       Time whiled away with my friends

2.                             I would like to be perceived as a

a)      A wealthy successful person

b)      An efficient person

c)       A friendly person

3.                                 Nothing is worse than

a)      Having your self-esteem damaged

b)      Failing in an important task

c)       Losing your friend

4.                             As a child I enjoyed

a)      Just chilling with my gang

b)      The feeling of accomplishment after i did something well.

c)       Being praised for my achievements

5.                                Given a choice I would like to

a)      Expand my friend circle

b)      Work at the hobby or learn something new and exciting

c)       Just take it easy without any tension

d)       

6.                                 I think i do my best when

a)      When i work with congenial group of people

b)      I have a job with my line of work

c)       My efforts are rewarded

www/bigfoto.com

7.                               I like                                               

a)      Being appreciated

b)      Being satisfied with my performance

c)       Being with my friends with whom i can have a good time

In the end ,give scores and add your total score for this test

Scoreboard

    a)                 b)             c)

1)                0               1               2

2)                1               2               0

3)                1               2               0

4)                0               2               1

5)                0               2               1

6)                0               2               1

7)                1               2               0

0-5:  The more the merrier that’s your attitude.

You like to be appreciated and liked by all around you.

5-10- Me and myself

You are like doing your own things. All that matters and motivates you is personal satisfaction

10+ --works is worship

As long as the job is done and you fulfil your responsibilities, that’s all that matters to you.

 Source: India Today,Aug.20,2001.

Be less Anxious and More Productive? Learn How to take charge of Your Inner Critic”



http://www.bigfoto.com/flowers-image.jpg



Do you spend hours worrying that you aren't good enough to succeed? That you're just not capable or that you aren't smart enough? You're not alone.

 You may be a typical of many top-level executives who struggle with an over-eager inner critic. In spite of numerous accomplishments, including a post graduate degree from a prestigious university, medical school or a business school and or even a partnership at a leading accounting firm, one can feel like an underachiever. Every day such young person sees him/herself as a new graduate — utterly nervous, tongue-tied, fumbling, and trying to prove herself for the very first time. You get further convinced that soon someone will find out the awful truth — that her incompetence will become clear and that you may lose your responsibilities, her partnership, and eventually her job. Even though you  may  have    never received a negative performance appraisal, you may feel unhappy, stressed, and unfulfilled. You may be successful and yet completely miserable.

This is a well-known   "impostor phenomenon," a psychological syndrome identified in the late 1970s by Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes and expanded upon by Manfred Kets .It describes frequent feelings of incompetence despite all of the evidence to the contrary. 'impostor phenomenon' (IP) (P. Clance and S. Imes Psychother. Theor. Res. 15, 241–247; 1978).

The imposter syndrome is common — and it can be hard to overcome. Quieting your inner critic takes a series of specific steps.

First, it is important to recognize that the most commonly used strategy — trying to ignore or suppress your inner critic — simply doesn't work. In fact, ignoring unpleasant thoughts and emotions leads to a rebound effect, it increases the intensity .Rather than suppress your emotions, acknowledge that they are real, whether justifiable or not. Wrong or right, so you do not feel unworthy, ashamed, and anxious. When you try to push these feelings away or rationalize them (by saying, "I shouldn't be feeling this way") they only get amplified. It is this response to your inner emotions that gets you  into trouble. Psychologists call this response a "meta-emotion." When we worry about being worried, we're creating a whole new problem.

Some people can struggle with such inner critic for long time, even ten years or lifelong.   You end up been trying to ignore your unreasonable self-criticisms. But such usual strategy didn't seem to be working. It didn't take long for you   to realize that anxiously trying to avoid or ignore our emotions was actually contributing to the problem.

The trick to dealing with your inner critic is to develop a balanced relationship with it: to not ignore or avoid it and the emotions it rises, but to also not allow yourself to be bullied by it.

Easier said than done? Try the following steps:

•       Examine your inner critic. Ask it: "Where do you come from?" This might feel awkward at first, but speaking internally with your critic is a valid psychological technique that encourages you to think objectively. Sometimes one can trace the  inner critic back to your  childhood, to parents who were harsh and difficult to please. But not all inner critics come from our childhoods. We're influenced by many factors, including competition with our peers, the media, and our relationships with our spouses, and our own attitudes about winning and losing. Once you understand the places your inner critic comes from, you'll be able to recognize when it's telling the truth and when to disregard what it says.
•   
•        Understand that your inner critic can actually help you. Your inner critic has evolved to help you set and meet high expectations. If you're open to it (which is not the same as believing everything it tells you) then you can learn from it. Like a good coach, your inner critic reminds you that knowledge and capability are important. Ask it: "How will you help me achieve success in the task ahead?"     
•       Act in spite of your inner critic. You can learn from your inner critic, but be careful to not give it too much power. Find and maintain the right distance — keep it close enough to be useful, but not so close that it gets in your way. As soon as you hear your inner critic complaining, acknowledge the information — but always ask: is my inner critic helping me or hurting me? If what it's telling you saps your confidence, then ask it to step aside and continue on your way.
•    
•       You may feel tongue-tied in important meetings, worried that other people might think her comments inane. Now, instead of surrendering to anxious, negative thoughts, you thank her inner critic for its opinion and speak up anyway. By taking action that's consistent with her goal of becoming a better leader she manages to dispel her anxiety and add wisdom to the conversation.

. Weeding out, purifying the inner critic

These are some strategies that may help you if you are  struggling with impostor phenomenon.

·          If you're a student or a postdoctoral fellow, get a supportive, understanding adviser.

·          If you're working, do your best to find a supportive, understanding mentor.

·          Call on your partner or friends to be supportive and talk you through impostor feelings.

·          Hire a tutor or take a class in a topic or area where you think your abilities are weaker. You'll learn what you need — or realize how much you already know.

·          Make a list of your strengths. Look back at examples of your own successful work, or positive reviews, and remind yourself of your own accomplishments.

·          Accept that some tasks will not be done perfectly.

·          Be aware of your language choices. If you find yourself thinking you were 'lucky' to have got a grant or published a paper, focus on what you did to earn it.

 In the end, it's helpful to remember that as loud as your inner critic can be, it's just a part of you and not the whole. Don't let it stop you from continuing to lead a normal, fulfilled life

           Source:

Karen Kaplan^: .http://www.nature.com/naturejobs/2009/090521/full/nj7245-468a.html

P. Clance and S. Imes, Psychother. Theor. Res. 15, 241–247; 197

wellness,types of wellness and Dimensions of wellness and why we should make wellness our center of life

What is wellness

Wellness
Wellness is the proactive, dynamic & progressive living in a higher and positive state of body and mind. It involves integration of body, mind and spirit. It is characterized by preservation, growth and development of different aspects of wellness.

Dimensions of wellness

1.Physical wellness
2.itellectual wellness
3.Social wellness
5.Cultural wellness
6.occupational wellness
&.Environmental wellness
8.Spiritual Wellness

How to achieve Wellness

• Make wellness your   undisputed topmost priority.
• Understand and assume full responsibility of your wellness.
• Take positive and judicious choices.
• Adopt holistic & healthy lifestyle.
• need to Continuously learn, by being  aware and  ready for required changes.
• Plan comprehensively and take proactive action.
• Take authentic, professional help when required.
• Give No excuses, no lethargy and at the same time no fuss.
• do not take too many consultations from different Experts  in healthcare
• Be focussed and consult  good counselor.

Why we should make " Wellness " the  the way of our  life

• It is good for self, family, community, country and entire world.
• It gives one a quality living.
• It helps in keeping mind body machine in best possible state.
• It improves efficiency and helps in realizing best of our potential.
• It helps in achieving our goal of  purpose of life and meaning .
• It helps in avoiding mental and physical suffering.
• It paves way to success in life, joy and happiness.
• It improves health, ,minimizes stress & discords and  smoothen our  relationships  
• It saves our  time and money .

posted on 19 April 2011

What is Counseling?

What is Counseling?

Counseling is a process that facilitates excellent  personal and interpersonal understanding & functioning. It also  relates to issues of life from childhood to old age simultaneously  focuses  on emotional, intellectual, social, vocational and health related development. It has three  major components –

• Better understanding of self and world around.
• Less distress & better adjustment through more effective coping skills.
• Realization of self potential & better quality of life through more effective functioning.

Counseling provides a safe and free platform which allows you to discuss & explore yourself and your life in an atmosphere of privacy,respect , trust, and warmth along with psychological expertise of counselor. It provides an opportunity to vent out your feelings, to explore your positive & negative aspects, to discuss problems in secure atmosphere with a unbiased  person and to explore better options without any threat of being judged or ridiculed.

In short counseling helps in living a better life

Is the counselling provided will be  confidential?
Counseling is  confidential. It is not necessary for you to reveal your details like real name, address, place of work etc. The life incidents and relevant information reveled by you remains only between you and a counselor. It is never discussed or shared with anyone under any circumstances.
Types of counseling offered

• Emergency – It helps in urgent cases of threat, psychological catastrophe, rape, accident etc.
• Distance Counseling (Online Chat , Email ,Telephone)
• In – person (in clinic/office) Counseling
• Stress and anger management Counseling
• Pre Marital Counseling
• Marital / Couple Counseling
• Family Counseling
• Children & Sibling Counseling
• Adolescent Counseling
• Student Counseling
• Counseling for Men
• Counseling for Women
• Sex life and Sexuality Counseling
• Personal issues Counseling
• Social and Relationships Counseling
• Old age / Geriatric Counseling
• Grief , Anxiety , Depression Counseling
• Counseling for unwanted thoughts . feelings ,behavior
• Problem & Solution Focused Counseling
• Self Management & Self Growth Counseling
• posted on 19 April,2011

WANT TO BE SUCESSFUL? IT IS EASY. LEARN THE MAGIC OF HOW TO SET GOAL

WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL? IT IS EASY. LEARN THE MAGIC OF HOW TO SET GOAL

Many  times have  we make  determination  such as,
" I will earn more money",
"I will start going for a walk ",
"From today  I am going to lose weight,”
" a a student state that  “ I am going to do well in school,
” or a unhappy housewife  declare that this time,
 “I am really going to work on my marriage”?
While these statements are all positive and healthy ideas, without measurable outcomes these affirmations are little more than dreams. Most of us are reasonable enough not to expect change to occur ; however, typical goals such as these,  are clearly impossible to measure, so It is very important to remain  motivated ,also more so when the process to attain these goals are not clear to us.
 Review the process:
 The important thing is to develop the habit of setting goals as soon as possible.

Let us Learn about SMART goals,
Goals that are

• Specific,
• Measurable,
• Achievable,
• Relevant, and
• Time-specific.

1. Be more focused on your goals
2.   Stay motivated
3.   Constantly stay in touch with changes
4.  Open-up to possibilities
5.   Try to expand your horizons
6.  And most importantly move on if things do not go as planned.

After identifying ,redefine your Goal
Is this goal attainable?
 How will you accomplish this goal? (first you chalk out a Plan of action)
then follow it step by step.

1. Define it in outcome or behavior. What exactly is it that you would like to see change?
2.  Is this something that you can measure?
4. How will you measure whether or not you are making progress?
5.Will you be able to know when you have reached it?
6.. Is this goal a part of a larger goal and can its progress be utilized as part of the larger goal plan?

In the end don’t forget- reaching goals many times can be frustrating and you will most probably experience setbacks, so be ready to possibly amend your course of action to see your goal getting converted into beautiful action and fulfillment of your  goal (your weight got reduced or student will get good results in exams,or housewife will add happiness to her marriage.)

SUKH-SAMVAD COUNSELLING ( DIALOUGES FOR HAPPINESS)

SUKH-SAMVAD COUNSELLING ( DIALOUGES FOR HAPPINESS)

good parenting pointers

1.Emphasize the goodness in family members and de-emphasize imperfections.

2.,Resist advice giving unless you’re specifically asked for your opinion.

4.Listen more than you talk.

5..Don’t use sarcasm as a means of connecting.

Limit alcohol consumption as it detracts from genuine relating.

6.Pay attention to the elders and the youngest, they are more in need of your attention

http//www.bigfoto.com

7.Make attempts to enter the world of children; don’t spend your time in exclusive adult conversation.

8. Resist favouring those family members whom you have most in common with, try to establish rapport with those most unlike yourself.

9. Bring the group together through song, music, and old videos of the family’s history.

10. Show your appreciation by giving a personal toast before meals that expresses your deepest emotions of love for those present and those missing from the past.
11.offer positive role models

12.set boundaries

13.offer examples for resolving conflict in an amicable

 way

14. provide warmth, concern and support Seen by their children to be in charge,consistant gives reasons for rules

15.Help younger children to understand his/her parent’s perspective.

16.Negotiate and discuss ,rather than laying down the rule or law

SUKH-SAMVAD COUNSELLING ( DIALOUGES FOR HAPPINESS): Family counseling

SUKH-SAMVAD COUNSELLING ( DIALOUGES FOR HAPPINESS): Family counseling

Family counseling

skills of a counsellor

A good counsellor should bring their own unique abilities, qualities and skills  into a counselling relationship to help ensure that their client feels safe and supported.

These may include:

·      Listening skill

The most important ability for a counselor is to be able to listen to another's heart . Now a days ,it is getting uncommon or rare to have someone really listen to us, and it is in this space where the clients really talk openly and honestly, and in which we can concentrate on listening that   counsellee can begin to do the work of healing  .. I feel that understanding, compassion and respect are what move another human being and give them the courage to take action that leads them to victory in their own lives.

·                                                                                  http// www.bigphoto.com

 Good interpersonal skills

·      The ability to question, reflect and challenge attitudes and beliefs and  a genuine interest in provoiding support

Other important skills include good planning and motivational skills, problem solving, organisational ability and re-orientation skills.

A capable counsellor must possess a number of personal qualities and develop the proper attitudes to make a client feel at ease and to build rapport so that a client can self-disclose. 

 What are these personal qualities?

EMPATHY

Empathic understanding is the ability to see things from the client’s perspective. Without this quality a counsellor will be unable to comprehend the problems, experiences, thoughts and feelings of another person, and will not be able to offer clients the level of supportive understanding that they will require.

The counsellor’s full attention and empathy encourages a client to relax and trust and encourages self-disclosure.

CONGRUENCE AND WARMTH

A counsellor should be agreeable and act appropriately to provide the client with a comfortable foundation for the counsel­ling relationship. Only by creating a friendly atmosphere can the counsellor encourage interaction and disclosure.

·         Maintain warmth and genuine understanding.

·         Use appropriate body language such as a non-threatening posture, while maintaining eye contact and respecting the client’s personal space.

·         Maintain a reassuring and comforting way of speech – the tone of voice, speed of speech and style of delivery.

RESPECT

Counsellors must at all times show respect for clients and their welfare. They must also remain impartial and non-judgmental.

A client must feel comfortable, safe and confident that confidentiality will be maintained at all times and also that the counsellor is committed to helping, encouraging and supporting.

Whilst maintaining a professional focus a counsellor must be able to show a genuine openness.

POSITIVE REGARD

It is of vital importance in the counselling relationship that the counsellor demonstrates a positive acceptance of the client and that the client is valued and respected.

A positive, unconditional regard for the wellbeing of a client is the basis from which clients can explore their thoughts, feelings and experiences, and develop an understanding and acceptance of their emotions.

A counsellor must not judge in any way. This may be difficult in some situations, but is the basis of a counselling relationship built on trust.

Accepting a client shows the individual that you are there to support them through the counselling process, regardless of their weaknesses, negativity or unfavourable qualities.

IMPORTANT VALUES

At all times counsellors must show a commitment to values such as the following:

·         Human dignity

·         Alleviating personal distress

·         Appreciating the differences in culture

·         Remaining non-judgmental

·         Ensuring the integrity of the client/counsellor relationship

·         Maintaining client confidentiality and ethical principles.

There are three basic personal qualities of a counsellor.

1) Empathic Understanding

Understanding the client from his point of view, being with him in his world.

2) Acceptance

Being able to suspend judgement and criticism, listen by giving compelte attention so that

the client feels valued for himself.

3) Genuineness

The ability and willingness to be open, real and consistent in the relationship with theclient. Prepared to give him time and attention, not wanting to manipulate or patronisehim in a ‘do-gooding’ way. The client must feel the counsellor is a real person, not justsomeone in a professional role.

These qualities bring forth the facilitative role of the counsellor. He / she is assisting the

client by showing genuine concern and by not attempting to advise the client. These

qualities are communicated by the way the counsellor attends and responds verbally and

non-verbally to the client.

The essential qualities of a counselling are empathic understanding, acceptance and

genuineness.

In a context these qualities are projected by showing respect to the client. The client has

varous rights that must be respected. Some basic rights of he client are :-

(a) Right to speak and be heard.

(b) Right to his/her opinion

PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE

In addition to counselling qualifications, a counsellor should be armed with sufficient personal knowledge and understanding of what counselling is all about.

He/she must also be clear about the role of the counsellor and the problems, issues and expectations every client will present.

Counsellors must be self-aware, and must be in control of their feelings, thoughts and emotions whilst working with clients.

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT of a counsellor and counselling process

Through his/her own development a counsellor will also pick up additional understanding and knowledge, which can be used effectively to support a client during the counselling process.

Counselling skills are constantly improved if the counsellor has an interest in self-awareness and self-development.

This continual process can include a growth in the following:
        Self-awareness
      Self-counselling
      Work/life balance
      Career and personal focus
      Goal setting.

Source: Attitudes and Qualities of a Counsellor:
 http://www.thecounsellorsguide.co.uk/

There are three basic personal qualities of a counsellor.

1) Empathic Understanding

Understanding the client from his point of view, being with him in his world.

2) Acceptance

Being able to suspend judgement and criticism, listen by giving compelte attention so that

the client feels valued for himself.

3) Genuineness

The ability and willingness to be open, real and consistent in the relationship with theclient. Prepared to give him time and attention, not wanting to manipulate or patronisehim in a ‘do-gooding’ way. The client must feel the counsellor is a real person, not justsomeone in a professional role.

These qualities bring forth the facilitative role of the counsellor. He / she is assisting the

client by showing genuine concern and by not attempting to advise the client. These

qualities are communicated by the way the counsellor attends and responds verbally and

non-verbally to the client.

The essential qualities of a counselling are empathic understanding, acceptance and

genuineness.

In a context these qualities are projected by showing respect to the client. The client has

varous rights that must be respected. Some basic rights of he client are :-

(a) Right to speak and be heard.

(b) Right to his/her opinion