Manu and Mitali were having a problem in relationship. Previously their whole friends( gang) used to participate in the problem solving sessions. But now they were serious in their relationship.They thought their problem should not become the topic of the whole town. Next, they asked the opinion of their good friend Ravi about what can they do to sort out the problem. That day Ravi offered them a solution and talked for a long time. But from next day he started avoiding them, thinking they might like to talk further on the topic.
R U tired of talking to friends, as their solutions are not helping you in your difficult situation? Then go and meet a well trained, friendly counsellor.
Many a times when we have a dilemma or have to face a difficult situation in life, relationships or in a carrier, we talk it out with our friend who we seem to be sympathetic towards us. But is it always possible to open up and talk to a friend?All of us not extrovert and for few it is difficult to open up. It still nags us,” will it be effective?”Am I getting a correct solution? Also there are some drawbacks in using friends as your only confidants and support or as a sounding board. But Counsellor often encourage clients to use the client’s social support network like friend, relative or a teacher AS you must communicate YOUR problems with SOMEBODY.
The relationship between counsellor and client is a special one. It is built around trust and support. It is confidential even after counselling ends. It also offers clients a place free from judgement. You can talk out any emotion with your counsellor or even cry if get overwhelmed with sharing past traumatic experiences and feelings.
It is important that there are a number of boundaries and support mechanisms in place to ensure the needs of the client are met. These boundaries should be apparent whether you receive counselling face to face, online or over the telephone.
A counsellor can be having a friendly nature but he/she cannot become your friend.
The relationship with your counsellor must always remain professional. This is the case even if you have counselling for many years. This distinct difference allows your counsellor to retain a level of objectivity that a friend will struggle with when you go to them with your problems. Your friend may have a stake in the outcome of your problems while a counsellor will not have. For example, despite being supportive, your friend hopes you will split up with your girl/boy friend as they never liked him. You can get on really well with your counsellor but the relationship should always remain formal. You can never think to meet your counsellor for coffee outside the sessions, as the boundary will blur, lost and the relationship will be compromised.
Another boundary we have to be aware of is that counselling is not about telling you what to do. Counsellors will work towards self awareness and help promote positive change. Clients are regarded as experts in their own life and capable of making decisions. Counselling can help clarify these decisions and broaden perspectives. Again, this is how a counsellor can be more effective than a friend. As it is very easy for a friend to give advice that may or may not be helpful to your particular experience.
A client should always feel safe in a counselling relationship. There should not be any untoward touching, or interaction that the client feels is inappropriate. Related to the idea of safety, you will find counsellors like to begin and end sessions on time, therefore providing a space set aside just for clients, where the boundaries are clear.
· Friend may becomee upset by what you are telling and cannot cope with it, least give you advice/solution.
- Friends can feel a conflict of loyalty and find it hard to keep things confidential
- Friends might not like it and break your friendship, if you don't accept their advice
- If you need lots of help friends might begin to feel resentful and you might feel guilty Counselors have had training and have formal support and a work structure which helps them to deal with upsetting and difficult situations; friends may begin to feel overburdened, especially if they have their own problems too.
Finally, sometimes we need slightly more specialist, trained, empathetic counsellor’s help than friends can provide. Sometimes, it is boring or tiresome for your friends or family members to hear you talk about your problems on and on--.While a counsellor can give you 100% listening.
“Stop it .I am tired of your irritable advice” -----Familiar line? Sometimes it’s natural for our friends to want to help us, but the chances are that you will have already thought of the solutions that are being suggested. Your problem remained a problem so long because there is something so hidden or embedded that prevents you from adopting the straightforward solutions. Counsellors are trained to value your expression of feelings as an important part of your experience. They will understand that your difficulty is a complex part of your reality, and help you to explore it fully .In the end you will be so empowered by the counselling that you can arrive at your own course of action.
